“Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world, to not know why you’re here.” -Elijah Prince, Unbreakable

In the 2000 film Unbreakable, Samuel L. Jackson’s character Elijah Prince, who suffers from a debilitating degenerative bone disease, shares his deepest fear. He is trapped in an unfair life filled with pain. Having nothing of meaning to strive for makes that pain and suffering unbearable. Elijah struggles to find a purpose in life but, until the end of the movie, he doesn’t know who he is.

He’s not alone in that. It’s no simple thing to gain insight into what our purpose is in life. We’re much better at critiquing the lives of others than we are at deciding what we should do ourselves.

Because we are so often unclear on what motivates us, we tend to take the path of the least resistance. We work jobs we hate because we don’t see other choices. We settle into unsatisfying relationships because we don’t know what we want. We act in ways that are counterproductive to having the sort of life we claim to want.

“They die of shame.” -Charles Morse, The Edge

In the 1997 movie The Edge, after crash landing in the wilderness, Anthony Hopkins’ character Charles Morse tells his group of survivors that people in disaster situations often “die of shame.” They think: “how could I have been so stupid,” or “I can’t believe I let this happen,” or “this is what I deserve” instead of doing the things they should be doing to survive.

We spend so much time regretting our decisions, hating the circumstances we find ourselves in, and punishing ourselves for our foolishness, that we don’t work to make things better.

Even when you act perfectly there is no guarantee you will succeed. But if you let shame keep you in a bad situation, then you play an active role in perpetuating your unhappiness. There is no shame in falling into disaster. Putting down the guilt about where you’ve ended up is the first step. The next step is taking action.

“Come with me if you want to live.” -Kyle Reese, The Terminator

In the 1980 film The Terminator, time traveler Kyle Reese rescues Sarah Connor, the mother of the future savior of humanity with the famous words: “Come with me if you want to live.” He means it very literally, but in a figurative sense he is also calling Sarah to a life of purpose.

In reality, the call to begin living a life of meaning may not be so dramatic, but the imperative is the same: If you want to move out of a place of dissatisfaction, you cannot stay put.

Taking action is not as easy as it sounds. It requires that you know what actions you need to take. But with so many options how do you choose? Let others decide for you? Guess? Neither of those seem like good ideas.

Thankfully, there’s another choice. One of the best ways to find direction is to pay attention to what inspires you. You can find that in the real world, and you can also find reflections of it in stories. Stories are representations of reality condensed for maximum emotional impact. In real life watching a boxer train for an upcoming fight might be tedious and boring, but in Rocky a montage distills that feeling into a few inspiring minutes. Stories are a useful shortcuts to our emotions. Examining stories that move you is invaluable in finding what inspires you.

“What we do in life echoes in eternity.” -Maximus, Gladiator

In 2000’s Gladiator, Russell Crowe’s Maximus inspires his troops with a call to action. He doesn’t tell them that their thoughts or their feelings or their inner desires matter, but that what they do will echo in eternity. This is true for everyone. Your actions are the only things that affect the world.

When you find a story that motivates you, it is a self-generated signal that something about that story resonates with you. No one is telling you to feel that way. Something inside of YOU is. If characters who act with generosity inspire you, then make space in your life for generous practices and see what happens. If characters who persevere inspire you then build structures into your life that keep you on task towards your ambitions. This may sound vague and platitudinal, but it is actually practical; if you start small you can begin to build actions into your life that align with your inspirations.

You will not stumble blindly into a meaningful life. You must actively pursue things that inspire you or you will not feel fulfilled. We may not be enticed by eternity like the Romans in Maximus’ army, but we all care about the quality of our own lives.

“You can’t handle the truth!” -Col. Nathan Jessup, A Few Good Men

Jack Nicholson’s famous proclamation to Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men (1992) may be wrongheaded, but the sentiment isn’t. The truth can be scary. You want to act in ways that inspire you, but to do so you have to face difficult truths about the way that you’ve grown used to acting. The things you may have to confront are things you probably don’t want to talk about. They are often things you don’t even want to think about. If you can’t handle the truth about yourself, then taking the actions that will transform your life is impossible.

Most people don’t fail at figuring out how to take action once they have decided to do it. They fail much earlier when they turn away from the things that inspire them out of fear, or dismiss them as of only tangential importance rather than utmost significance.

If you don’t take your inspirations seriously enough to act on them, you’ll continue along whatever path you’re on. You can expect the same suffering along that path that you have always found: it will come in the form of more unfulfilling relationships, terrible jobs, poor mental health, and all of the bitterness and resentment that goes along with those things. Life is unforgiving and it will not reward you for willful blindness.

“We’s who the Earth is for.” -Hushpuppy, Beasts of the Southern Wild

In 2012’s Beasts of the Southern Wild, the young protagonist played by Quvenzhané Wallis charges relentlessly into the unknown. We fear for her safety and admire her courage in equal measure. There is no question that she is the hero of the story.

When a character forfeits and decides that an unsatisfying life is good enough, we forget about them. When a character lets the hardships of life turn them bitter we recognize them as the villain, even when we pity them. When they take steps, however small, towards the light, we see heroism.

We see those themes played out within ourselves too. And we recognize who we are being based on how we choose to move through life. We admire ourselves when we move forward with courage. We shame and pity ourselves when we stagnate. Even when we rationalize our decisions we can’t escape from our story arcs and what they tell us about ourselves. Life is hard for heroes, villains, and non-players alike, and directionlessness can make it unbearable.

Leave shame behind. Find the courage to examine yourself. Let your inspiration point you in a direction. Move in that direction in whatever ways you can manage. You’ll find that the person who emerges inspires you. And there will be no question who is the hero of the story.